i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
