No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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