Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
