We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
