don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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