i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
