Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
