So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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