so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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