They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
