My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
