His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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