I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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