Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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