Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
