is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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