i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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