I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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