hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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