Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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