if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
