the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
