So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
