Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
