Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need moral support for this bender
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
