i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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