I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
