we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
