Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
