i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
