i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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