wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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