How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
