I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
