Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
