There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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