Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
