the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
