u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
