Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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