the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I died a long time ago.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
