yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
