If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
