You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
