ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
