If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
