She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
