So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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