i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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