even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
