My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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