My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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