Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I smell stomach acid.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
