come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
