She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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