soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
