so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
