Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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