I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
