I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
