I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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