Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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