does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
